………will add a title later….

I got a message from my sister this morning that she is missing my blog…and then I read a write-up on Facebook and that got me going……

Life experiences change you all the time….there is an evolution going on within you…sometimes, you are not even aware of this……it is a continuous process……

This write-up was by a woman who had lost her husband…and how within a short span of thirty days…..well, yes…..her life changed….but also her thinking changed….her perspective of life changed…..her sensitivity at that stage her led her to “feel” and “notice” emotions (within herself and of others) and actions (of others)…and think and analyse these…..and change her thought process…..

Grief, loss…..does that to you…..you stop in your tracks….you do not have the energy or the will to move even an inch at times……..you look around… you might reach out or you might just withdraw….go into a shell…..but believe me you are still looking around you from your shell……

You begin to feel the pain of others around you…..you sympathise…..you empathise…..where you didn’t look beyond yourself, you would now be aware of the pain even of a stranger you have bumped into on the street……..

…..whether you use this “awareness” (I would even call this your “strength”) positively or you get sucked into self pity and depression, solely depends on you and your personality……..outside factors do matter…..support from your family and friends matters a lot but unless you help yourself, you keep drowning and it is a very deep pit, one that is difficult to come out of……but again not impossible.

Grief or sorrow doesn’t necessarily have to result out of bereavement. There could a lot of other causes for it……..divorce, long term sickness of a loved one (especially of a child)…..sometimes even something as simple as moving away from loved ones…….it is difficult to come to terms with…..

First and most important step is to accept the situation. Once you have done that, it gets a little easier. Don’t get me wrong, it is a hard and long journey with lots of stepping stones…..sometime huge boulders…..and it does get lonely…….but you get through eventually. Life has to go on. Yes, you will get help along the way but you are the captain of your ship and how you steer it is entirely your decision.

Have faith! Believe in the Almighty. There will be times when you think He is leading you down the garden path (and a rocky one at that) but you will be pleasantly surprised when you reach the end. You will question His will; you will fight with Him, that is normal as long as you don’t stray. He knows you and you are only human.

It is extremely important to believe in yourself….after the Almighty it is definitely you….you are next in command……you have to build your confidence. You may feel very low because you are vulnerable at that stage. YOU have to pull yourself up. Best way forward is to sit down (maybe with a pen and paper) and note all your positives….your assets…….and decide how you are going to use them for your own good and for the benefit of those dependant on you. Work on your positives and try and forget your negatives. Another hard job but you can do it…..it will be a slow process…..you will fail / fall many a time but you have to pick yourself up.

Do ask for help and sometimes you get this help from unexpected sources but you have to ask for it. However, a word of caution here, please try not to broadcast your problems or your woes (you will have plenty) to one and all. All you will generate is sympathy for yourself and maybe make yourself a topic for their gossip. That doesn’t help you or anybody else. You will know where your “support network” lies as you go along.

Next step is action. You might have recognised your problem…..identified your pathway to deal with it. We will not talk about solution here because you are in a “continuous process” ……..It is best to take small steps, at least initially because you want to succeed and your success / achievement will mean a lot to you and that is what will keep you going. If you try a huge task at this stage and you fail. It will be very difficult for you to get back “on track”. With certain things, you will have to keep trying. You might not get it the first or second or even third time…..but if it is important to you, keep trying and you will get there.

It is easy for me to say “you can do it” but only you know if you can. There will be loads of advice along the way. Filter it and use what you feel is relevant to your life. After it is YOUR life and you know what is most relevant to you. You know they say, unless you walk in somebody’s shoes……

Some days will be easy, others will be tough…..but look around you, isn’t it the same for everybody? Another way of going about this is to look at others who are worse off than you. Believe me there are loads. On a personal level, when I feel low, all I have to do is watch the news….then….I can’t even begin to thank the Almighty for His countless blessings on me. Yes, I have problems and I am being challenged on my worst weakness but He has also shown me ways of dealing with the situation. When I evaluate my situation I see a lot of flaws but those flaws are from me. He has always given me the best of everything but there are a lot of opportunities that I have missed. So, you have to try and try again…….

Sorrow is hard!!!! Loss is tough!!!

However, if you stick to these simple principles, you can still live your life…….

I look around me and see loads of people, who have risen from the depths of gloom and carried on……unsung heroes……not only have they smiled through their sorrows but have brought brightness and sunshine into the lives of their loved ones……I am sure they have their moments…..their days…..but they have the inner strength to pick themselves up every time and move on……..you know who you are……love you all and……. I take my inspiration from you when I have a fall……

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One thought on “………will add a title later….

  1. Anees- I know exactly which post you are referring to as your stimulus for this piece.To say I was touched by Sheryl Sandberg’s account of losing her husband would be trivialising her loss- it actually scared me about how much losing your most loved one could hurt……but you’ve nailed it as always in how our personalities determine our reactions to events/ tragedies/milestones in our life…..hopefully both, her & your words will be ways forward at different points…..sensitive & meaningful as ever……

    Liked by 1 person

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